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Thursday, April 16, 2009

My Ecclectic Life

If your a homeschooler you can really appreciate the title. Even if your not you can still appreciate the title.
Today I sat and chit chatted with a friend of mine whom I don't always get to sit and talk with. She and I had lost touch with each other after the birth of Maggie. Times were tough ( and they still are at times)then and I found that many of our friends who said they were , weren't. These last almost three years have been anything but easy. Being forced into the life of VACTERL ( see I used the word force because we sure didn't ask for it) was tiring, frustrating, and some days down right sad.
Now that Maggie is almost three God seems to be saying to us," Okay, life will be fine and we'll just forget it about it all." Things have slowed down and once again I am being forced to find normal. Yet I can't seem to find it. I've found that I'm not the same person I once was. Anxiety and stress have seemed to entered my life as like I actually asked for it. I was the type of person that let things roll off my back , I rolled with the punches, and I enjoyed everyday with the fullest.
Now worries have set in and I worry about every little thing. I HATE it. I don't like it and it seems like its such a waste of time. Because once time is lost you can never get it back. Yet I am having such a difficult time jousting this monster.

VACTERL is mean. VACTERL is unkind. VACTERL is unforgiving. Maggie's first year was horrible. I remember being tired. I remember seeing my baby in pain. I remember the hospital stays. I remember the surgeries. Yet, one day, going through turmoil after turmoil, tears after tears. God in his infinite wisdom says " Let there be normal." Then what? After spending so much time caring for Maggie , dispensing medications , traveling to hospitals, going to far off places for second opinions. Life just stops. Then when its time to breathe and be ever so thankful all of a sudden you find that you can't. I'm not sure if its Post Traumatic Stress or if something in my own body just isn't working right. But I just go on. I go on and momentarily live my "other" life. The one where I homeschool and the one where I smile as if VACTERL never happened.

Looking at Maggie you would never guess she has all her "unique" issues. Somedays I find that I forget and I enjoy every moment. I enjoy every moment with my girls because time is unkind. My oldest is 11 years old and before I know it I will be sending her off to college. Before I know it Katie will be too, and Hannah ,and Maggie will be 11 years old too.

So I go on living my ecclectic life. One where I am super medical mom, homeschool mom , and just plain old mom.

1 comment:

Christine said...

"I've found that I'm not the same person I once was" - no, you're not. You are stronger and wiser. Still, I know what you mean. Ignorance of all these things would be bliss in a very real way.