Thursday, September 23, 2010

Dear Dr. Endo

Dear Dr. Endo ( or should I say evil Endo?),
I received a letter from you in the mail today from your office (which I threw out by the way). It said that it wanted my blood work so that you could continue giving me quality care. Um, yah, right.
I'd like to know your definition of 'quality' care. Is it having your patients walk out in tears and breaking down crying in their car after an appointment with you, after you tell them that taking their thyroid out was better than dying?
Is your 'quality' care having the doctor tell me that they didn't understand the report from the hospital? Which by the way I understood just fine when my primary care doc and I went over it. Really it was written in English and I didn't need a degree to understand it and my ENT understood it just fine when he told me that he saw nothing 'scary' in there, and monitoring it would be just fine. He even let me know how I felt was not that of people coming in with just nodules and that something was going on that needed to be taken care of first because he could take out my thyorid but it won't make me feel better. In fact my ENT really worked at discouraging me from having it taken out, even though he left it up to me as to whether I want it taken out or not So hmmmm.
Which leads me to the next thing. You joke me by just checking my T4 levels and nothing else. The thyroid consists more of than just T4. What about my Ft4, or my Ft3, or my RT3? Or heck what about T3 in general? Its been years since anyone has ever checked that. It seems doctors don't check that anymore. How about my adrenal glands, pitutitary, my iron levels for peat sake? I ask for these to be looked at and doctors poo paw it ,or just totally ignore me as if I just didn't say anything to them. Guess what? I am more than a thyroid, I am a person and I have more organs than just a thyroid.
Is your 'quality' care that where you poke my neck with needles when I tell you that I am very very sensitive when it comes to my neck. I even had a tough time having the sono done. Even more so when the biopsy has more false readings anyways. Is your 'quality' care telling me that your going to remove my thyroid and then put me back on the same poision(Synthroid) that has most likely put me in this position to begin with? Even more so then when I told you it had stopped working for me years ago.
With all of that said, Dear Dr. Endo, I will not grace your office with my presence. What I will do is pray for all of those women and men who do go to your office. I am a consumer and expect you to listen to me so that I can heal myself. If you cannot listen to me or help me then I will just do what I can to heal myself, and pray that I will get the money soon to see a doctor who really knows how to treat my condition. I have a family to take care of , four beautiful children and a husband, who need ME very much and not a shell of me.
So if you throw this letter out too that's fine, just letting you know that I will NOT be coming back.

A well read consumer

Monday, September 20, 2010

St. Theresa's Little Flower Faith Folder Giveaway and Afghan Give away

The one memory I have growing up as a child was that of my mother in her garden on the side of her house. In that garden we had all sorts of flowers but my mother's most prized possesion was her roses. This must of been a love passed down by mother and child as my grandmother had her roses on the side of her house as well. Both when my mother and grandmother passed away several years ago we even made it a thing to make sure that there were roses on their coffins and on their headstones.

So when I saw this giveaway on the Shower of Roses website it brought back those wonderful memories of when I was a child watching my mother tend to her beautiful roses in our garden.

We have done a few of the Faith Folders and they really did turn out great. I will have to dig them out of our Lapbook collection and post them pics here.

Also on the website the author is also giving away a beautiful afghan to commemorate the Feast of St. Theresa as well.

" I have given nothing but love to God and He will repay with love. After my death I will let fall a shower of roses." St. Theresa Lisieux (April 1895)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Maggie's first day of school

Boy, oh , boy. How could I forget my Maggie pie's first day of preschool? Here are some beautiful pictures of my peanut girl. She started preschool on September 7th, 2010.

Preschool is going well for Maggie at the moment. She is really progressing and isn't so fearful of being there. Drop offs are usually really good for her and her teacher says she fusses sometimes but calms down.
I'm hoping we can continue preschool but I'm not sure as we still don't have a nurse for her for school. As it stands I go over to the school to cath her at 10:30 or whenever she has a poop accident. Which has only been once so far.

Its really getting old going over to the school three or four times a day. It really has defeated the purpose of it all and as it stands I'm just getting worn down and tired. Don't get me wrong I love my baby girl and will and have done anything for her but I am human. I can't go anywhere and am stuck at home. I hope that this all works out but I'm not so sure.

My proud Maggie girl..

Maggie and Daddy

Maggie waiting to go up to class

Maggie sitting at her big girl desk

Here is to a good 2010, Maggie Reed. Mommy loves you so very much.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Living with Thyroid disease

I'll admit our blog is a bit all over the place at the moment as I'm not homeschooling this year. The girls decided to give school a try and I have been needing to work on my health.

The past 7-8 years now I've been batteling with thyroid disease in one fashion or another. The first was I was diagnosed with thyroid disease when my 3rd daughter was born. I believe I've had it for a long time previous to that but that's when finally the first time in my life I was diagnosed. I was a good little patient, taking that little tiny pill called Synthroid. For the first three years I actually felt really well on it. I didn't question what I was put on , all I knew was that finally the first time since I could remember I felt 'awake', and alive. I was losing weight with diet and exercise and I felt normal. Of course that's all my doctor said, " you just take the medication , come in for some blood tests once a year and all will be well."

Then I had gotten pregnant with Maggie. A very true blessing even though I had a few rough spots through it. I just knew something wasn't right. In the end I was right as always and Maggie was born with what is called VACTERL association. Which is basically multiple birth defects. It wasn't until about 6 months after Maggie's birth with all of the stress , lack of sleep from a sick baby and many hospital stays with her I noticed I wasn't feeling my 'normal' self anymore. I started gaining weight and somewhere along the line I began developing a goiter. I've probably had it for a long time and just noticed it more when it bothered me a little bit on one side of my neck.

Along the way I had my blood tested and the 'good ole' docs told me all was fine. So obviously it was all in my mind. Not. It wasn't until this January that I just crashed. My blood pressure went sky high and I could barely move. I was sick. Along the way I still took my Synthroid because that's all the doctors will prescribe you because " It helps everyone." Not.
No matter how much I've begged and pleaded with doctors not one of them will prescribe me dessicated thyroid hormone , nor will anyone check out other things like adrenal glands and ferritin(iron) in me. I'm sure its because of my insurance. Actually I know it is. Why would we want to heal people? No its much easier to just run T4 tests, and check red blood cell count and end it there and wisk me off on my way. Or how about rip my thyroid out? That will 'fix' it.

I'll tell you I have lost most trust in the medical establishment these days. Why not rip the thyroid out and once they've screwed me up, put me back on the Synthroid that literally made me feel horrid and then they'll send me on my way. I mean really.. I have four children that I need to take care of and depend on me.

I have read quite a bit on the subject. Joined a group a while back called Thyroidless and have learned so much about what happens to people once they get their thyroid out. Its very sad and its heartbreaking to see these ladies/men suffer so much after they get it taken out. Doctors/Endos have this cold attitude that you can live without it. Not true if your body isn't doing what it needs to be doing to keep you alive and your medicine working properly. Its nothing for these doctors to take a thyroid out and wisk you on their way because after all their work is done and their pockets are lined with your thyriod( money).

There is hope and possibility to 'heal' the body and treat the thyroid rather then just rip it out. Postassium Iodine seems to be the thing that helps the body heal and rid itself of the toxins that build up in the body that leads to thyroid dysfunction, disease, cancer , goiter etc. Its sad to see so many women get mislead by the medical community on how to treat this. Don't get me wrong conventional medicine has its place. Its what saved my baby girl. Some of her birth defects would have killed her had she been born in someother life time before now. Most kids with her Imperforate anus defect didn't make it very long after birth. So it has its place but they sure still have a lot to learn about thyroid. The master gland. Without this gland your body wouldn't function properly at all. It controls your organs so its not like an appendix or tonsils that if they take it out you'll be fine. One will be dependent on this medication for the rest of their lives otherwise you die. Enough said. I'd much rather keep my thyroid thank you.

I will admit I wish I didn't have this problem at all. Some days it seems like to much to bear. I have spent countless hours reading about what I can do to heal myself,what to take and so on. But to me its not helpful if I can't go see a good doctor that can help me. The worst thing is I just can't afford it because these type of doctors ( holistic) don't take medical insurance ( I don't blame them). We can barely make ends meet right now. Its hard enough having to save for Maggie's medical trips let alone for me. So I'm sorry if I sound like I'm having a bit of a pity party , but I feel lost, hopeless and everything you can feel when you are faced with medical problems and no way to get the right treatment. Somedays I feel like I am going to be reduced to having my thyroid ripped out and to live a shell of a life because I can't afford to pay for a 'good' doctor. But I can't fold into that because I don't want that taken away from me. I don't want to be ill with cancer or anything like that either. My girls need me and I need them. My husband needs me and I need him. It just doesn't seem right that after having Maggie and dealing with everything that I have do deal with her that I get sick with something. I am MOM, I am supposed to be on my toes to take care of my children. After all God gave me them to care for.

I'm not sure what to really do. I would have to come up with the money to test my adrenal glands. For the dessicated thyroid , for the vitamin supplements,,, and the list goes on and on. Its just frustrating. I try so hard to lean on God. I will never know why this has happened. For all of the places on my body to get weird growths , my neck. The most sensitive part of my body. On my thyroid, the gland that controls my organs, and lord knows where ever else. None of my doctors have been the least bit helpful in any respect.

That leads me into reading the book of Job. What an amazing man. I bet if he were alive today he would have a blog or a Caringbridge page documenting his trials. Here was a man that lost his family, everything he had, including his health. He had friends who told him to blame God , yet he wouldn't. In the end he overcame his health scare, went on to gain back everything and then some of what he had and reestablished a family of his own and lived for a hundred some years. Yet in the end he learned that somethings in life can never be explained as to why they happen the way they do. He knew that it wasn't God's fault. I think Job best said it when he proclaimed : " But you smear me with lies, You are worthless doctors all of you! I wish you would just stop talking ; then you would really be wise! Listen to my argument and hear the pleading of my lips. " Job 13:4-6
If these doctors today would just stop and listen to their patients that maybe, just maybe they could help people more then just throw them on medication and line their pockets with taking organs out that need to be healed and not taken out.

Monday, September 13, 2010

School and Fall

I will admit this is not exactly my favorite time of the year. But I can say that I do appreciate the cooler temperatures. Its not to cold and not to hot, but just right.

The girls have been doing really well with school. Maggie started her first week of school last week. Its been a bit of trial and error for the most part since she has started. It also has been a little frustrating too since we do not have a nurse for her either , nor do I see one taking on the job to come in and out of the school once or twice a day.
So I'm taking this in stride and hoping for the best out of it all. If it gets to be to much , to stressful or just not woth it all anymore I will bring her home.

Even though the girls are doing well in school they are showing signs of wanting to come home. They will finish this school year but they've been hinting to how much they miss their mom being the teacher. I told them we will reevaluate at the end of the school year. See how they feel about everything then and go from there.

I'll admit I do miss having them home and teaching. I guess its just something I have always done, but in the same breath I will eventually have to get used to it as they won't always be little for ever.

I'm hoping this time away will give me the time to work on my health so I can feel better and be able to have the energy to teach. Thyroid disease is an ugly disease. Its very frustrating and confusing to deal with. I've been looking into alternative ways of treating my problem so that I won't have have my thyroid taken out. To me at this point I feel like its just not a very good option as I need my energy to care for my family and most of all Maggie. God gave me her to care for her. If I don't have the energy to care for my baby girl then what will I have left? How will I be able to make sure she gets the best care she can get if I can't function? I can't so I NEED to find a way to get well. So please pray for me and most of all my family. I need the wisdom to find the right things to treat my thyroid problem with and my family needs a mommy who can feel well and be the best mom she can be.