Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Horray for Spelling!

I'll have to admit I am impressed with my girls today. I had signed them up to participate in their cyberschool's National Spelling Bee. Yes, the National Spelling Bee that you see on television. This was the school's first try at it this year. They won't always be able to participate at the national level but the school will always hold a Spelling Bee. Which is great because it really encouraged my girls to really try hard at improving their spelling.

I had fun creating a spelling file folder for them ( which I don't have a picture of at the moment because the flash on my camera went and it won't take good pictures) so they could study their spelling words. We worked on this for an entire month, and today was the day!

Marilyn impressed me by getting first place , with two other first place kids in her 6th grade class, and Katie was a runner up for the 4th grade class. Hannah gave it a try and she tried her hardest but couldn't spell egg and macaroni. I told her at least she tried her very best and she did.
Now they have this under their belt and can someday tell their children that they participated in the National Spelling Bee.

Way to go girls!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Life still goes on

Well since I last wrote I began having issues with my blood pressure going up and it just woulnd't go down. The monday before Marilyn's birthday I had to go in and have them check my blood pressure because I felt so sick. I felt weak and tired and just like my heart was pounding in my chest. It was very scary for me to feel that way.
I went in and my blood pressure reading was 152/98! Those are some scary numbers that's for sure. I've seen people walking around with worse numbers but that made me feel mighty icky. So they've started me on a low dose of high blood pressure meds.

I will admit that stress is just one of those ugly factors in my life. The past three years since Maggie was born has been nothing but doctors, traveling , more doctors and more traveling. Dealing with doctors have no clue, some clue and a clue. But the trick was finding which one. The stresses of basically jumping up and down to get them to listen to me that my baby wasn't feeling good has taken a toll on me. Which it really, really stinks. At 33 years old I shouldn't be worrying about these sort of things. I should be enjoying life right now , enjoying my children and my husband. Not worrying about things like my thyroid and all its many components.

Today luckily my blood pressure went down to 122/98. The bottom number is still a bit high but I've only been on the med for one whole day and I was told it could take 2 weeks for it to really take effect. So not so shabby there. My doctor did go over the results of my sono and said I have a couple of cysts on the right side of my thyroid but I have a "blob" a mass of some sort on my left side. I would lie if I said I wasn't scared. I am very scared. I just wish there was a quick fix to this . You know kind of like your appendix. Oops its inflammed lets just get it out of there. Unfortunately its not that easy. They need to figure out what is up , and what that blob is. I'm not looking forward to someone messing with my neck. What a sensitive area!! I am hoping that this is just hormonal issues causing it and it can be something 'fixed' with medication. But I have a feeling its not going to be that simple. Nothing for me ever seems to be that way for some reason. Its been the theme of my life.
I will admit that I'm tired of doctors, tired of medical stuff. I would just like a break and have some enjoyment in life.

All I know I can do is that is to just pray. Pray to God that he can at least help me heal myself. He doesn't even need to heal me , but if he can at least throw me an anchor and help me heal myself I would be so appreciative. I need to be here for my girls.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

My crazy life....

Just when things begin to stablize with Maggie of course it has to be my turn. I've had to deal with hypothyroidism for at least 6yrs now. I believe I've had it all of my life. But that's another story.
I guess when one medical journey ends with one family member another one starts with someone else, and that's me. I mean why not? I'm only responsible for caring for four children, and schooling them , and taking them to activities which we all love to do.

My problem is that I have a few cysts on my thyroid and trust me I'm not happy to hear that. Not at all. I believe whole heartedly that its because my thyroid has not been managed very well by my doctors, and at times it makes me angry to think about it. I'm just praying that I won't have to have surgery but then I guess what are they going to do to deal with the cysts? I'll admit my 3yr old is a much braver person than I am. She has had 5 surgeries so far in her first 3yrs of life and numerous procedures that I've lost count on. Yet she bounces back like a ball. Me on the other hand I am a wimp. Or at least over the years I've become one. I think with a combination of having surgeries myself, the older I get the harder it is to recover, and the fact I have dealt with so many doctors and seen so much with Maggie I think that I've just about had enough with it all.

I know my friends have extended their concern but I think the worse piece of 'caring' I've gotten was when a friend of mine said to me " God is doing this because he wants you to slow down." I don't think so. Why would God cause me to have something wrong with me to make me slow down? Why would he want me to slow down? He blessed me with the responsibilty of four beautiful little girls. How can you slow down? Isn't that what happens when the kids grow up and leave the nest? Then you can slow down a little? God certainly doesn't need to make me ill to tell me to slow down that's for sure. He could tell me in other ways if He really wanted me to. I believe that Satan has his hand in it and truely and honestly I want him gone, out of here and to leave me the heck alone. We've been through enough and I just feel like I'm at my wits end. I just want some happiness for a little while. A break. Maggie is finally 'stable' at the moment and now I have to deal with myself? Come on.

I am even just about half way done with my college work too. I have always wanted to finish college and get my degree. I tried twice after getting married. In the beginning I was having some marriage issues so I dropped out.Then surely enough the next attempt I ended up pregnant with Marilyn and very sick and couldn't even concentrate so I dropped out again. Waited for a long time and here I am finally doing something with my life so I can make it much better and Wham! Really I am learning to hate the saying " God doesn't give you what you can't handle." I think that is a load of bull. He has given me way more then a normal person's share of hard times. My life has been nothing but hard since my childhood and beyond.

I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, but how much can one person take?
I guess all I can do is keep my chin up and pray for the best. Hoping and praying that I can continue to homeschool my children and that its nothing major.