Saturday, July 24, 2010

Life Flashing Before My Eyes

Yesterday was quite a day. It started off like any day of course. Getting up, getting the kids their breakfast, giving Maggie her meds and then sitting down to my computer to check my emails for the day. I never know who is emailing to ask me whatever question it is they have for the day.

Of course as I sat down to my computer I felt this wave of nausea and thought to myself " Oh goodie, the stomach flu." It started off very mild with some diarreaha( I know to much information), and ended with throwing up once(thank goodness). It was a quick lived stomach flu and that I was very grateful for because if anything, I mean anything, that anyone here in this house gets sick with I'd rather it not be the flu. It doesn't bother me that they throw up. Just when children get sick it doesn't start with them feeling nauseated and walking to the bathroom to do their business. It usually ends up with someone throwing up all over their beds, the floor and all of their toys that occupy the floor. It also most rarely ever starts during the day. Its usually in the middle of the night at 2 or 3a.m when you've just started in a REM cycle and are at your most comfiest.
Anyways, my stomach flu was short lived and I was finally able to stomach some ginger ale. Of course we had a tiny bit left in a bottle and I poured that into my cup and slowly sipped on that. Then later on I thought, what the heck, I'll have a few pretzels. That I did have and was starting to feel better. As fast as I felt better I began to feel light headed and my ears began to ring. I felt as if I were going to throw up and stood by the sink hoping it was just going to pass. I've had that almost going to pass out feeling before and if I stood in one place, breathed, or sat down I was most always fine and it passed. Not this time it didn't.

All I remember was bending down at the sink and that was it. All of a sudden I was laying on the floor starting up at the ceiling. It was as if I were just waking up in the morning and was looking around the room. Except I wasn't waking up from a full night's sleep. I was laying on the floor in the kitchen with my husband calling my name .. Tracy, Tracy. The first words out of my mouth weren't " What happened, or "Where am I?" or anything like that. The first words that came out of my mouth were" What???!!!!" Then I quickly got up on my feet and walked into my bedroom and layed down.

After everything was all said and done. I laid in bed with Maggie and just cuddled with her. I felt as my life flashed before my eyes. One minute I was at the sink and the next minute I was on the floor. I don't remember a thing. It was like as if I had went to sleep and woke up. I will admit, I know that people pass out all of the time, but it sure did scare me into thinking how limited my time on earth is here. What if that had been something more serious and I didn't know it?
I wish I could of said I saw a bright light, or an angel, or the Lord, but I didn't. I don't even remember anything going black. It was just crazy,and scary all at the same time.

It also scared me into thinking about who would take care of Maggie if I died? Tim tries to help but cathing a little girl and doing enemas make him feel uneasy. I'm the one who pretty much is in control of her care, making sure that she goes to her doctor appointments, her medications, scheduling surgeries, etc. I know Maggie's meds and enema recipes by heart ( though I do have them written down too). Ugh. At the age of 34 I shouldn't have to worry about these things. I should be enjoying life with my children not worrying about things like that. But I do unfortunately.
I wish God knew what he was doing. If he gave me a little child with health problems then He should at least give me good health at the minimum so that I can take care of her.

Oh well, I move forward and keep going. As my mother in law said " I'm one tough cookie". I'm not sure if I hit my head as it doesn't hurt, but between my shoulders and a part of my bottom. I'm sore.

Friday, July 9, 2010

How the summer flies by

Wow! All I can say is I can't believe how much time has flown by already. The girls have had so much fun this summer. They were in the Alice in Wonderland play. Which by the way they did fabulous. They worked so hard on that while Tim and I were gone with Maggie in Cincinnati.
That all went well too. I always enjoy going down there. Cincinnati is such a live and bustling city. It just seems to interesting. More so then the little island I live in here in Corry, PA.
Anyways our trip yieled answers and of course new medicines, procedures and equipment. I'm finding out that we need more room to live in and store stuff. Maggie just keeps us on our toes every day. She was a trooper through all of the testing and such. Mommy had to learn how to cath and do enemas all in that 10 days we were gone. There was even a moment that I had when I broke into tears because I was just so frustrated with it all, and my sweet, sweet little girl looks up at me and says " Smile, mom." So I looked at her and smiled and she then turns and says, " See, mom, I knew you could smile." With a bright beautiful smile on her face. She was the one going through all of this stuff and she was telling me to smile. Bless her little heart. I just hugged her and we laid on the hotel bed and cuddled. God has given Maggie such a beautiful personality. She has to have it to get through life.

As to the fun stuff we've been doing since we've gotten home. The girls continue to go to swim lessons, gymnastic lessons. We go to the lunch time at the Y for lunch and swim. Today we went to the library to check out some books. The girls always enjoy going. They really do. We're hoping to go see the play Annie Go Get Your Gun, which is put on by the Community Play Theater.
The girls cheered on their friend Abbey this year for Little Miss Corry. Marilyn didn't get to run this year. But she'll try again in a few years. It was fun to cheer on our friends.

The girls will be starting school on August 25th. I'll admit its still July and I already miss homeschooling them. Even though I've been doing bits and pieces of stuff with them throughout the summer. I'm not sure how to let go. I really don't. I'm sure I'll manage somehow. Right? I think I may just keep Maggie home. I haven't fully decided yet. I'm trying to determine if its worth sending her yet or not. I probably will but that little voice in my head or my gut feeling whatever it maybe. Is telling me to keep her home, yet at the same time she needs to get out a little bit. Maggie's life has been being at home and hospitals. She doesn't know how to play with children her age at all. She shuns anyone who isn't mom, dad, or grandma. So I feel like I'm in a pickle in a way I guess.

Well time to end it here. Its almost midnight. I need to quit staying up so late.