Missing my life

The one thing about thyroid disease is that it takes your life from you.
I once had a wonderful life. One that was full and vibrant and enjoyable. Along time ago I had energy to enjoy life and have fun. I felt on top of the world and enjoyed doing everything and anything with my family. Especially my children.

Now I am not enjoying life like I once did. Its a sad, lonely and horrible road for me. Not to mention very scary. If I could talk to my thyroid I would tell it to leave me the heck alone. Go away! Let me live my life and be the best me I can be and the best mom I can be.

I so miss my life. I miss being the fun loving, always going everywhere and doing fun things mom I was. I still am but not to the same extent. I miss homeschooling my girls. I sent them because, one, they wanted to give it a try and two because I was losing my energy to even do it anymore. I wasn't being an effective teacher like I once was. It makes me sad to even think about it.
I miss spending my days on homeschooling boards reading about the latest curriculum and trying to decide whether it would be a good fit. Instead I spend my days on thyroid yahoo groups in hopes that I can get this all figured out, and trust me I wonder some days if I need to become a chemist to figure it all out. The complexity of thyroid disease is sometimes so above my head that I miss those simple days of just worrying whether we had the right math program or not.

Of course I'm doing something about it. I'm trying to find an actual physican that will help me heal my thyroid. I really don't want to take it out. I really don't. I read everyday the heartbreaking stories of those who have. I am very fortunate this time that I was able to start researching before even agreeing to any type of surgical procedure. This one out of a couple that I've already had myself , would of been the one I most regretted if I had gone ahead and done it.
I can't stress to anyone who reads this how much you NEED your thyroid. It controls all of your body organs. It controls your metabolisim , in a strange sense its almost to compare to your soul.

Once taken out your energy levels are never the same. No pill on earth can replace your thyroid gland. Its as if your soul is taken from you and you are left as a shell of a person. Its also very sad that many doctors don't take the time to really read, research and do what really and truely helps the patient. They'd much rather take out the gland so they can line their pockets to pay that next bill. Forget the fact that you may start out feeling better, and then later down the road it catches up to you, or forget the fact that there are high risks such as losing your parathyroid glands, or their function. Losing your vocal cords and the ability to read well. If those things happen its not the doctor's fault. Its all par for the course risks that you signed up for.

Its sad really. To know you can lose so much when you get sick. I hope and pray that the path I take is the right one. The one that will get me back to feeling like the awesome momma I was.