Homeschooling Blahs

If you can't tell by the title its easy to see that I am going through homeschooling blahs.
We began our homeschooling journey when Marilyn was 4.5 years old. My baby girl will be 12 this January so we've been homeschooling for almost 8yrs. Its hard to believe it but really that's how long we've been at it.
In that time I've homeschooled on my own and we've utilized cyberschooling during our journey.

I remember the fun and the joy that the elementary grades brought when I taught Marilyn reading and math, and Katie as well.
I'm finding this year that my homeschooling enjoyment is just being sucked from me. When Marilyn was 7 years old we decided to join with a cyberschool in our state. I mean I would have free curriculum ( school books are expensive) and the school could deal with the paperwork accountability that I would otherwise have to do with our school district. I mean what could be better?
That first year was a total disaster. Marilyn fought me tooth and nail, letting me know each day that she wasn't going to do her school work. I can't tell you how many tears and arguments were shed that year. Katie , she did great. Always wanting to please her mommy.
The 2nd year was difficult, but not as bad as the first. Then the third year came along and Marilyn began to be more cooperative. But we were finding that we were just going through the motions to get those green Calvert tests done to send to the school. Then the 4th year came along and Maggie was born. That was a horrific time of turmoil and uncertainty dealing with all of the health problems that kept surfacing from her condition. I'm not even sure how we did it that year. It was just all a horrible blur to me. But we did it and I was proud. The 5th year we decided to give the virtual classes a try and boy that was just a horrible mistake.Technology and me donot mix at all. Marilyn was frustrated, I was frustrated and nothing was getting accomplished. Then during that year we have to travel with Maggie to Cincinnati and this gave me the perfect "excuse" to cut ties with the cyberschool altogether and just homeschool on my own. Even though it was almost the end of the school year I managed to throw some curriculum together and though it wasn't perfectly executed we mangaged and finished out the school year. I was happily awaiting to homeschool the two older girls and leave Hannah in with the other cyber we were with as it was working fine for her. So I pulled Katie out and got all the paperwork signed for the school district and we were officially homeschoolers once again.

I was so happy but of course doubt set in my mind. I had some curriculum to start out the year but not all of it.. We were working with parts of curriculum and the girls were just not enjoying it. So a friend of Marilyn's was with the cyber Hannah was in and of course I once again got talked into doing it. So once again we are with another cyber and this year I just feel like the fun, the enjoyment of learning is just being sucked out of me. The girls tell me they like their cyberschool but our days are being filled with Scantron tests, and even some tears because of the pressure. There is Study Island once again and on top of it all school work. I just feel so totally stressed out lately that its not funny.

One thing is for certain I will NOT be doing cyberschool with Maggie. Of course I could pull the older girls out but they are actually progressing this year, though in some areas we really need to work on things such as addition, subtraction, multiplication and division facts.
They enjoy the activities that we would probably not be doing since finaces are still really tight for us. Our area doesn't have social homeschoolers in the the sense they don't like to get out and do much to get together or become friends with. So just getting together with kids that homeschool is such a treat for them. I do try but others really don't seem interested.

Don't get me wrong I do like the curriculum( wish I could afford it myself), its the extra stuff that we HAVE to do with the school that is just causing my homeschool blahs.